


Flashes From the Storm

by AlixZin



Series: Alex and Lin [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: 5 times/1 time, Alexander needs protecting, Angst, Bullying, Chess, Developing Relationship, Fever, Flashbacks, Foster Care, FosterDadLin, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Hurricane, Misunderstandings, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, School, Sickfic, Stuttering, Thunderstorms, Time Skips, Trust Issues, selective mutism, special needs parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixZin/pseuds/AlixZin
Summary: Five times Lin had no idea what was going on with Alex and his hurricane related fears and one time he did.





	1. Thunderstorm

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Foster Dad Lin Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616012) by [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/pseuds/ohNooOOOOoo). 



“Seriously?” Lin grumbles as Alex takes out yet another one of his pawns. “How can you be so good at this already? You haven’t even been playing a full month.”

The boy merely shrugs, glancing up at Lin with a coy half smile and a mischievous glint in his eye.

Alex has been with them for a little over two weeks now and one week theirs, and already things are starting to feel normal and comfortably routine. Alex is more settled and a lot less anxious, for a start- clearly lifting the burden of not knowing what was going to happen to him has done him a lot of good.  It’s gotten harder since Lin started back up with Hamilton rehearsals, but they’re making do. Lin has resigned himself to being exhausted all the time now, but he suspects that that too will get easier, once his body realizes that sleeping through the night is a thing of the past and adjusts accordingly.

Today, the two of them are playing yet another game of chess, in what has become a regular activity for them; they play each other almost daily. Lin especially enjoys it because it gives him a chance to talk one-on-one with the kid, since under any other circumstances Alex wouldn’t be able to sit at the table and just talk without descending into a spiral of anxiety. Placing the chessboard between them has served as the perfect buffer that allows them to bond in a non-threatening way. On this particular afternoon, with Vanessa off on a well-deserved evening out with friends and Sebastian napping in his room with Tobi, it really is just the two of them.

“How are Hamilton rehearsals going?” Alex asks with a light giggle. It might just be the cutest thing on this earth, rivaled only by Sebastian’s first smile. When Lin had first tentatively brought up the subject matter of his new project he had expected the boy to be freaked out, but Alex had taken him by surprise. He’d found the entire premise of his foster dad writing and starring in a show called Hamilton hysterical and had started breaking into fits of giggles every time it was mentioned. Meaning that Lin now brings it up as often as possible. 

“It’s going well. We’re super busy though, what with it opening in a month and a half. You really should come to rehearsals sometime.”

Alex freezes up, his hand clasped tightly around the knight he was about to move.

“Th-there will be a lot…a lot of p-people there?”

Alex’s stutter is so fascinating, and according to all the research Lin’s been doing online, also completely atypical for fluency disorders. During his first week with them it had been so prominent. Now at two weeks in he’ll go for long periods, sometimes even days without it, only to have it return in full force sometime later. They’ve been trying to figure out the pattern and, from what he’s observed so far, it seems to correlate with his comfort level in a given situation. Even so, part of Lin wonders if he needs to look into getting Alex into speech therapy for it, but with its inconsistency he’s holding off on pursuing it for now. Besides, what with the physical therapist for his shoulder that Alex won’t let touch him and the actual therapist Alex refuses to talk to, Lin has a feeling that not much would come of it right now anyway.

“Yeah, it’s an ensemble show for sure.”

“A-and you’re the l-lead?”

“I play the title character, yeah.”

Alex moves his chess piece, knocking out a key part of Lin’s defense strategy in the process. Though Alex has yet to beat him, for someone who just started playing a few weeks ago his level of progress is remarkable.

“I g-googled The Public Theatre a f-few days ago,” Alex says shyly.  “Th-that’s super leg-legit-legitimate. Like, a lot of their shows end up on Br-broadway and make it big…r-right?”

Alex tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear as he says this and glances up at Lin. He’s been looking so much better lately. Though he hasn’t been getting anywhere near the hours of sleep or the caloric intake recommended for teens his age (something that, in hindsight, Lin thinks he googled just to make himself feel bad), in general Alex is sleeping and eating better than he had his first week. This is reflected in his general appearance; to say that Alex now looks healthy would be a stretch, but he also no longer looks ill all the time. He’s also finally in clothes from this century, currently sporting a generic polo and jeans that Vanessa had ordered for him online after taking his measurements. 

“That’s true. Shows like ‘A Chorus Line’ started out there. How familiar are you with musical theatre?”

“N-not at all. S-sorry.”

“I’m going to have to fix that then, won’t I? All the Broadway bloggers would be scandalized if they knew I had a kid staying with me who didn’t at least have a working knowledge of Sondheim,” Lin jokes.

“Why would they care?” Alex asks in confusion.

Lin quickly checks himself, realizing that this is a conversation he hasn’t had with Alex yet.

“I am somewhat known to them. While you were looking up The Public Theatre, you didn’t happen to google me at all, did you?” Lin asks probingly.

Alex shakes his head.

“Sh-should I?”

Oops, now that the idea is in his head, Alex is going to do it, no question. If he’s going to anyway, Lin would rather be the one to tell him than having him learn it off Wikipedia.

“You don’t have to, just… I realize I haven’t told you much about myself and I’d rather you hear it directly.”

“O-okay?”

“Remember that show the cab driver wanted to talk about?”

“That Wash-Washington heights thing?”

“In the Heights, right. Well, just like with Hamilton I wrote it and it did make it all the way to Broadway.”

“And…that’s a big deal?” As Alex stares at him Lin searches his face for clues on what might be going through his head right now, but for the moment his expression is unreadable.

“Well, enough that Broadway bloggers know who I am, but it’s not like anyone else does.” Lin answers in a way that he hopes is casual. He absolutely does not want to cause Alex any alarm, not when he’s finally starting to get comfortable with him.

“Do you r-really think they’d be b-bothered that I d-don’t know anything about it?” Alex asks in a voice slightly higher pitched than is typical for him.

“No honey, that was just a joke. My personal life is personal and they don’t need to know anything about you or anyone else in my family. I’m not a celebrity by any sense of the word, so that’s a non-issue.”

Alex doesn’t look convinced, his brows now crinkled with concern. 

“Are there m-movies I can watch to h-help with this? A doc-documentary?”

“There are some PBS specials on it we could watch, but only if you want to,” Lin says slowly.

“O-or a book? Oh! What books do you recommend reading on the history of theatre?!” Alex’s expression changes and his eyes light up at the prospect of new reading material.

Alex really does love his books. As much as Lin searches his brain, he can’t think of anyone he can remember who has been quite as delighted by books as Alex is, not even from his time at Hunter surrounded by gifted students. At the very least, this all-encompassing love for learning that Alex has helps to lessen Lin’s increasing anxiety about what school is going to look like for him. A week ago when it had first come up in the DHS office, the new year had felt lightyears away. Now with the new month comes the realization that there are really only two weeks to figure out where to send Alex and get him registered before the schools all close for winter break. Lin doesn’t have any idea what they’re going to do. Should they just send him to the neighborhood public school? Or maybe a specialty charter school that caters to his interests? Or does Alex need to start off in a more sheltered classroom for kids with mental health needs, or even a special needs school? Or maybe a gifted program? Or an online school so he can stay with them and not have to deal with the unknown? There are so many different options and Lin isn’t sure which path to choose or even begin to pursue. He wants to do what’s best for Alex, but what exactly that is remains unclear. There isn’t any manual or user’s guide for this sort of thing, not one that he knows of anyway.

“Yeah, I’ve got quite a few stowed away in my office. I didn’t think you’d be interested. You really don’t have to, you know. Just because this is my geeky passion doesn’t mean you need to know about it. Vanessa’s not even a huge fan.”

“It’s important to you,” Alex whispers shyly down into his lap.

Lin’s heart melts a little at this. He gets what Alex is doing here- he’s trying to integrate himself into their lives, trying to make Lin like him and make it less likely that he’ll be rejected later.  

“That doesn’t mean we have to like all the same things for us to be friends, Alex. You don’t have to constantly keep showing an interest in the cases Vanessa is working on and it’s okay if you think showtunes are stupid.”

What Lin leaves unsaid is that Alex doesn’t have to try so hard to get them to like him- they already do. He had hoped he could get the point across without having to be so direct about it, yet it’s clear from looking at Alex’s face that the implication has been completely lost on him.

“H-have you…done any o-other musical things I-I should know about?”

“Well, in general I’d say my career’s still getting started, but I’ve done a few other things. I co-wrote ‘Bring It On’- that was on Broadway- and did the Spanish translations for the revival of ‘West Side Story’ for Stephen Sondheim.”

“Th-that’s the guy I’m supposed to h-have a working knowledge of? The n-name kind of r-rings a bell. Wh-what do I need t-to know?”

“You’re not supposed to have knowledge of any of this. That was a joke, remember? And a bad one at that.” Way to stick your foot in your mouth, Lin. Now Alex is fixating on that one glib comment.

Alex says nothing, merely cocking his head and staring at him with a hint of a smile, wearing him down without a single word.

“Okay, okay, if you _want_ we can have a movie musical marathon for the rest of the evening once our game is over. We can watch ‘West Side Story’, ‘Sweeney Todd’, ‘Company’ and such. Those are all Sondheim shows.”

Alex nods in agreement. “And books?” he asks softly.

“You are welcome to look at all my relevant books at any time. They’re all still packed in a box in my office. Feel free to help yourself. If you are really interested, we can make a special trip to The Drama Bookshop if you want to pick up some stuff on basic history, since what I have is more specialized than general.”

Alex’s eyes widen at the prospect, making Lin chuckle.

“A whole store just for drama books?”

“Yup, that’s where I developed ‘In the Heights’, working with a production company in the shop’s basement.”

“I want to see it!” Alex says enthusiastically. Lin makes note of the way his stutter completely vanishes when talking about books. He probably is onto something with the theory that it’s comfort-level based, rather than a pervasive language disorder.

“We can make that happen, kid. Maybe tomorrow after rehearsals are over Vanessa can bring the two of you down and we can meet up at the shop? That would probably make the most sense, logistically.”

“I’d like that,” Alex says in a voice that’s shy and quiet, but stutter-free.

“Or… you could just come to work with me tomorrow and we can go together after. I’d love for you to see the beginnings of my show and meet everyone.”

Lin is overjoyed at the prospect of showing Alex off to everyone. He’s been doing nothing but gush over Sebastian on social media and, while he can’t do that with Alex, he’s been bursting to show off his other kid in some way.

Yet Alex doesn’t share his enthusiasm. His entire body language closes off as he shakes his head forcefully while avoiding Lin’s gaze. Lin should have known better than to suggest that, especially since it had been his earlier offer to come to rehearsals that had set off the stuttering in the first place. He really needs to get better at reading the boy’s non-verbal cues so these mess-ups don’t keep happening.  

“No? All right, we’ll just do the bookstore than. That should be a fun afternoon.” Lin tries his best to remain as casual about it as possible, even though his heart aches from Alex’s reaction. It’s not fair that life has to be so hard for him, that the mere idea of meeting other people has to be so scary for him. Lin nonchalantly moves his queen across the chess board, purposefully placing it in a spot wide-open for Alex to take. He’s been doing this less and less with him as Alex’s skills have grown in leaps and bounds, but right now he feels like Alex could use a win.

“Your move, kid.”

Alex narrows his eyes at the board and Lin gets a sneaking suspicion that he’s been caught. The kid’s too smart for him. Instead of making the easy move to take out Lin’s key player, Alex does the exact opposite and moves his own queen to the other end of the board, leaving both it and his king wide open for attack. He glances up at Lin, eyes flashing with a hint of defiance.

“Well, this has taken a turn,” Lin deadpans before grinning up at Alex, who smiles back. “So, what do you think? Should we just pretend those two moves didn’t happen and carry on playing for real?”

“That would be good.”

“Okay then.” Lin replaces their two pieces and then moves much more strategically than he normally would against such a novice.  Alex beams at him, showing both that he knows what Lin did and that that’s how he wants Lin to play.

“Have you been looking up chess strategy on the iPad late at night when you can’t sleep?”

Alex merely shrugs, avoiding his eye again, only not necessarily in a bad way like before. Now it’s more mischievously minded, like he has a secret.

“Do you think you’ll also be looking up more of what we just talked about?” he asks mildly, trying to probe and tread the waters lightly.

“You mean am I going to google you now?” Alex asks with an eyebrow raise. “Yeah, obviously that’s going to be happening.” There’s that Alex sass!

“Well then, I guess I should tell you a few more things. Do you know what the Tony awards are?”

“Like the Oscars of theatre?”

“Exactly. Well… I won one back in 2008 for best original score with ‘In the Heights’. The show also won best musical. It’s in my office, so when you come looking for books be sure to check it out. It spins when you flick it, which is kind of cool.”

Lin had been expecting more of a reaction, but Alex’s attention is no longer on him. It’s just started raining and the kid is now staring seriously out the window. Lin gives him a moment, wondering if maybe the self-info drop he’s been giving him is becoming overwhelming. That’s what he’s been scared of, but he’d rather Alex hear it directly from him.

“Alex?” he asks after nearly a minute has passed.

“Huh?” Alex glances over at Lin, looking worlds away. “Oh, right… the T-tony thing…th-that’s cool.” His voice is distant and trancelike now, and his eyes keep darting back towards the window. It is raining quite hard, Lin supposes.

“Are you okay?”

“Uh huh…” Alex says distantly, even though his facial expression and the way his body keeps twitching say otherwise.

“It’s just a minor rainstorm. I’m sure it will blow over soon. It’s almost winter so these sorts of things are common and nothing to worry about.”

Alex stands up abruptly, not seeming to hear Lin’s words.

“I-I n-need to…to use the b-bath-bathroom. C-can I?” he says with almost tearful urgency that sends Lin into high alert.

“Yes, of course. Are you feeling okay? Do you have stomach cramps?” With Alex getting more comfortable they’ve been pushing a lot more food on him these past few days and Lin’s been worried about how his system is handling it.

“N-no…I…I j-just…”

Crash!

There is a bang of thunder and suddenly Alex drops to the ground and dives under the dining room table. Before Lin even has a chance to process there is a flash of lightning illuminated in the window, followed by another bang of thunder and then Alex is screaming.

“Alex, Alex! Whoa, what’s the matter sweetheart?”

The boy says nothing, merely curls up in a fetal position under the table, clutching the table leg as if trying to brace himself and just _screams_.

For a moment Lin just stands in horror and stares as his child falls completely apart in front of him. Just a moment ago he had been fine. Alex had been happy, sassing him and making plans for tomorrow and now with the drop of a hat he’s on the floor screaming his lungs out, violently shaking and gasping for air. How did that happen? Even more importantly, what should he _do_?

Lin bends down next to him slowly and carefully, wary of making any sudden movement that might spook him further.

“Alex, you’re okay. Everything’s okay. You’re safe. You just need to breathe, honey,” Lin says softly.

It makes no difference. Alex doesn’t appear to be at all aware of his presence, or even to be able to hear him. He’s just so far gone right now, at the bottom of the deep end of his panic. Is this a panic attack? Lin’s not sure. All he knows is that his child is suffering and, somehow, he has to make it stop.

When Alex finally lifts his head and looks at him, Lin is taken aback at the distant, glazed look in his eyes. His first horrified thought is that Alex is having a seizure. The way it came out of nowhere, how he just dropped to the ground like that and how uncontrollably he’s shaking suggest it, right?. Yet… do people scream during a seizure? Lin doesn’t know for sure. He’s not a trained medic and all he ever cared about in school was writing, theatre and film; he’d never actually paid attention to the science classes his Dad and the graduation requirements had forced him to take.

Not knowing what else to do Lin reaches for his phone to call 911. He can’t risk overlooking a life-threatening medical condition with Alex and at the very least he might get another person like Hugh to help him if it does turn out to be another panic attack.

Yet before he can even unlock his phone to make the call, a sudden change comes over Alex’s face and he sees a flash of recognition in his eyes. He’s back with him.

“L-lin? Alex chokes out before dissolving into hysterical sobs, thick slews of tears streaming down his face. Lin sets the phone down, priorities shifting to ‘comfort Alex now, figure out what happened later’.

“Oh honey… I’m here mijo. You’re okay.”

Lin reaches out to pull Alex into a tight, protective hug, but stops himself before making contact. Is that the right thing to do? Right now, all of Lin’s instincts are screaming at him to wrap Alex up in his arms and make it all better. To do everything within his power to protect him and make him feel safe. Yet still he hesitates. It’s what he wants to do, but is that what’s best for Alex? What if he makes it worse? Alex did hug him that one time and is now occasionally tolerating small amounts of physical contact, but it’s still a mixed bag on how he reacts to it. Sometimes he doesn’t bat an eye at a hand on his shoulder and other times a light brush of Lin’s finger will send Alex fleeing to the other side of the room in fright. It’s different with Vanessa: he’ll let her touch him without any angst at all. Fuck, why does she have to be gone _now_?!

Before Lin has a chance to come to a decision about physical contact there is another flash of lightning and Alex lets out another scream of terror, his face changing yet again so that he’s staring straight ahead, as if seeing something there that Lin isn’t.

The realization of what’s happening to Alex hits Lin like a bucket of ice water. This isn’t a seizure, though it’s no less terrifying. Alex is seeing things that aren’t there. A hallucination. His boy, his little boy, is having a full-blown flashback.

Post-traumatic stress disorder- that’s the diagnosis Lin has seen on Alex’s file every time he’s opened it. It’s also the words the therapist they’d taken Alex to earlier this week had kept saying when Lin and Vanessa had met with her privately. Yet it’s one thing to hear those words thrown around, and quite another to actually witness it firsthand, to truly understand the magnitude of what that label means. What it does to his Alex. Right now this boy, who is still just a _child,_ is re-experiencing unimaginable horrors that have already happened to him. It’s not tolerable. It’s not _fair_. Alex shouldn’t have to suffer this badly, not when he’s already been through so much.

There is a sharp intake of breath and when Lin glances back over at Alex’s face he can tell that he’s back in the present, at least for now. He’s badly disoriented though, flailing around, sobbing and gasping for breath as he tries to take stock of his surroundings.

“Hey, hey, Alex?” Lin takes a big risk and lightly touches the tips of his fingers to Alex’s face to try and center him. “Are you with me, kid?”

Alex flinches a little at the touch, but doesn’t pull away and locks eyes with Lin.

“There you are,” he murmurs in what he hopes to be a soft, soothing voice. “I’ve got you Alex. You’re safe. Do you know where you are?”

“No,” Alex whimpers brokenly, looking even more frantic as he realizes this.

“That’s okay. You’re in our apartment in Washington Heights where you now live with me, Vanessa, Sebastian and Tobi. You’re safe with us. No one is going to hurt you here.”

“The storm…” Alex chokes out, hiccupping through a full-body sob.

Lin glances through the window they had been sitting by while playing the now- abandoned chess game, though which the storm rages on. That’s it, then. It’s the thunderstorm that’s triggering this. Exactly why, Lin isn’t sure, but if he had to guess he’d say that Alex must associate some connection between the thunder and what had been done to him at his previous home. Maybe a storm like this had happened during one of the times that an attack had occurred, or maybe even during the first time. Had a normal childhood fear of thunder been the pretext used during the first time that that man had touched him? Maybe Alex had been scared and seeking comfort and then…Lin feels his skin crawl at the very thought of it. He’s suddenly very glad he’d held himself back from hugging Alex.

“It will pass soon. These December thunder storms never last more than fifteen minutes.”

Even as he says this, Lin knows that this is not acceptable. Another fifteen minutes of Alex having these horrifying flashbacks every time lighting strikes is not something he can endure. By whatever means necessary Lin can’t allow that to continue to happen.

But once again another roll of thunder booms and a little piece of Lin’s soul dies as he watches Alex cry out in fear as his body goes rigid and then quakes violently; Lin can do nothing but crouch beside him on the floor, desperate to help as Alex suffers through another wave of re-experienced horror. He knows that Alex is probably reliving his molestation at the hands of Mr. Atkinson and that adding any tactile stimulation to the already brutal experience would only make things worse, but he still has to fight to keep from grabbing Alex tightly into his arms.

“What do you need Alex?” Lin begs out of sheer desperation when his boy’s renewed whimpers alert him that the latest spell has passed. “Please, just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

Lin isn’t expecting a reply, but Alex raises a shaking hand and points towards the window.

“C-cover,” he gasps out.

“You want me to cover the windows?” Lin guesses.

Alex nods tearfully in confirmation. Lin’s got to hand it to him- he’s impressed with the kid’s ability to communicate with him even as his brain continues to shift him between two different realities. That would be a lot to ask of any full-grown adult, yet his little Alex is somehow managing it. Lin wants to kick himself for not thinking of covering the window earlier. It’s ridiculous that in his current state Alex had to be the one to point out that blocking out the storm might be a good idea.

“All right, mijo. I’m going to get up to do that, but I’m not leaving you. As soon as it’s done, I’ll be right back here with you, okay?” Lin cautiously reaches forward to touch his left shoulder, and when he doesn’t pull away he gives it a gentle squeeze. Alex doesn’t react at all, and Lin doesn’t know if it’s because he didn’t mind or if he’s so far gone he didn’t notice it happening.

They don’t have any curtains up yet- even now three weeks into their move little details like that are still dragging. So when Lin gets up, hating leaving Alex alone for even a minute, he has to scramble quickly to rig up a system of towels and blankets over all the windows in the room. All the time he works Lin keeps up a constant chatter at Alex, hoping even though there’s no response he’s providing him with even a small amount of distraction.

Once all the windows are covered there is another crash of thunder and Alex shrieks yet again, ducking his head back down and panting heavily through yet another flashback. It’s a little better now there’s no longer the added visual stimulation of the flashing lightning, but it’s still not good enough.

Lin crouches back down next to Alex, muttering non-specific reassuring nonsense to him until he is able to look back up and meet Lin’s gaze.

“Okay, the windows are covered. No more lightning. Now, what are we going to do about the thunder?” Lin pauses for a moment as he considers their options.  “I can get my iPod and noise-canceling headphone for you. Would that work?”

Still curled up in a fetal position, Alex nods in agreement. Lin gets up to retrieve the items as quickly as possible from his office before climbing back under the table with Alex.

“Well kid, what do you want to listen to?” Lin forces himself to keep his tone casual even though he knows his pretense that everything is normal is fooling neither of them. 

“Br-broadway,” Alex gasps out, bringing Lin back to their earlier conversation that now feels like it might as well has occurred years ago, even though it’s only been minutes.

“Alex buddy, that is not what we’re doing right now. Your showtunes education can wait for another time. This is about distraction. What do _you_ want to listen to?”

“Sondheim…or your stuff.” Alex looks Lin dead in the eye, making it clear that there isn’t any room for debate. It’s becoming increasingly evident that Alex has a deeply stubborn streak to him and that once he’s made his mind up about something there’s no going back, even under their current circumstances.

“Do you have a preference?” Lin asks with a sigh, realizing that arguing with him about it right now is pointless.

“Y-y-yours,” Alex gasps out, shuddering anew as distant thunder penetrates the walls. At least he’s able to stay partially in the present, and hey, if winning this argument helps to keep Alex grounded, Lin is more than willing to surrender.  

“’In the Heights’ it is then,” Lin says, while handing Alex the headphones and pulling up the cast recording. “I apologize in advance for my silly voice. I’m afraid it’s the first thing you’re going to hear.”

Alex doesn’t seem to mind.


	2. Bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Just like my other chaptered stories, I am going to be locking this to members only once I post of the third chapter due to this being RPF. So if you want to continue reading, please login or get yourself an account. And for those of you currently reading this series as a guest- you're missing half the fun! There is a 71,889 word difference between what you can read within this series depending on whether or not you're logged in.

“Hey little Hammy, you better hurry outside! I just saw your daddy out there waiting for you!” a fellow student whose name Alex can’t even remember shouts across the school hallway to a chorus of snickers. As usual Alex says nothing, just keeps his head down and keeps walking, pretending that he didn’t hear what was said. It’s the end of the day and all he wants to do is get out and back home as quickly as possible.

The massive George Washington High School he now attends is within easy walking distance from their apartment in Washington Heights, so it makes sense that Lin and Vanessa had chosen it for him. It also makes sense that they’d enrolled him in The School of Law and Public Service, one of the four specialized programs housed within the building. On paper, it sounds like a perfect fit, yet Alex hates everything about it. He hates the size. He hates the teachers. Mostly he hates the other students. Even his Intro to Law class, the only one he truly believes is worth his time, moves at an agonizingly slow pace and relies way too heavily on group projects that Alex refuses to participate in. The students are all stupid and disinterested anyway. Yes, he’s interested in some of the internship opportunities the school offers, but he’ll have to wait until he’s a sophomore before he can even start applying. But he can’t really blame the Mirandas for their choice as Alex suspects the problem isn’t the school or even the students- it’s him. He’d be a freak no matter where he went. There are days though, when an irrational festering of anger at them for sending him here lingers just below the surface.

“Aw, you can’t blame the man for wanting to protect his little baby. Not only is he teeny-tiny, he’s also mute! It’s not like he can exactly hail a taxi or call for help.”

“That’s actually not true. I heard him talking to a teacher once. It w-w-w-w-was a s-s-s-st-st-stuttering m-m-m-mess. Kid can’t even talk right! At least we can be glad he’s sparing us from having to listen to that t-t-tr-trainwreak.”

Without meaning to, Alex glances up at the words, horrified that he had been overheard. It had only been one time and to a teacher he actually likes, but still he’d managed to mess it up. He won’t be doing that again, that’s for sure. From the quick peak he takes at all the students in the crowded hallway, most of them are staring at him, some with looks of mirth, but many with pity, which is almost worse. Alex quickly ducks his head back down to avoid making eye contact with anyone, involuntarily biting down on his lip as he makes his quick escape to the front exit where he knows Lin will be waiting for him. This taunting isn’t new and not even remotely the worst he’s experienced; Alex is well aware it could be far meaner. In contrast to what he could be going through, it’s really not that bad. It’s just that these comments and mirth are so constant that, added up together, it’s soul-crushing. 

“Aw, now you’ve done it. Looks like little Hammy’s going to cry.”

Alex quickly schools his face so as not to allow his emotions to show, but the damage has already been done. Usually he’s able to keep his defenses up and expression stoic, but this has been an especially bad day, so he can feel himself slipping. He’s had a cold all week, nothing serious, but still enough to leave him a snotty, run-down mess. His biggest fear is passing the virus on to little Sebastian, so he’s been going out of his way to avoid contact with any of the Mirandas, which just further serves to leave him on edge.

“Hey Hammy, I didn’t see you in class today. What, were you hiding in the bathroom again?” one of the voices continues to taunt. Alex doesn’t know who it is as he refuses to look up and risk making eye contact with anyone.

The worst part is that it’s completely true and Alex hates that these bullies know it. Though his current illness is _just_ a cold, not enough to justify staying home for, today he’s been feeling especially bad. He’s achy all over, keeps getting spells of chills and his chest feels tight. Not feeling up to dealing with the shit that is high school and the idiotic scum that are his peers while feeling as miserable as he was, Alex spent most of his day hiding in the school bathroom, even though he had _promised_ Lin he wouldn’t do that anymore. Yet the actual agreement they’d made was that he would go to the nurse if he had a migraine or if his anxiety was getting the better of him. As he had locked himself in a bathroom stall for most of the day, Alex had argued with himself that what he was doing wasn’t technically being deceitful, he’d just found a loophole as to what to do when proper sick-sick had never been part of the deal. Even so, when Alex finally makes it out the door and sees Lin standing at the corner, with Sebastian strapped to his chest and Tobi’s leach in one hand just like always, waiting for him and waving cheerfully, he can’t help but feel guilty.

Despite this, he’s relieved to see Lin, since at the very least it means the harassment will stop. There really isn’t anything intimidating about Lin’s appearance, yet even the stupidest of the lot know not to try anything within his foster-dad’s earshot. Alex speeds up a little to get to Lin faster and has to stop himself from leaning in a little too close at the relief of being back under his protection.

As usual, Tobi starts jumping around and barking like mad when he approaches, forcing him to bend down and greet her properly. She always insists on being greeted first. Alex doesn’t mind- not only does burying his face in her fur and getting those silly dog-kisses make him feel a tiny bit better, it also gives him a ready excuse to avoid eye contact with Lin.

“Hey kiddo, how was your day?” Lin greets him with a level of cheeriness that Alex is so not in the mood for.

Not wanting to outright lie, Alex merely shrugs in a non-specific answer. Lin already knows that Alex sees high school as something to be endured rather than cherished, so such an answer isn’t likely to cause him any alarm. As expected, Lin’s smile falters a little as they start off walking home, but he doesn’t probe for specifics about it.

“How are you feeling?” he asks instead after handing Tobi’s leash over to Alex.

“Tired,” Alex answers simply. Again, it’s the truth, but not the whole truth. The truth is he feels like shit.

Lin frowns at this and observes him critically. “Yeah, I could hear you coughing on and off all through the night. Were you able to sleep at all?”

Again, Alex shrugs non-specifically. The truth is he hadn’t slept at all last night and hasn’t been able to get more than a few hours of sleep all week. His constant coughing and mass amounts of snot clogging his sinuses made it difficult to breathe while lying flat, and even if that weren’t the case, his stupid irrational fear of illness has left him anxious enough that insomnia has reared its ugly head, making sleep utterly impossible. It really hasn’t been a good week.

“That cold’s still hanging in there, huh kid?” Lin asks worriedly as Alex pulls out a tissue from his backpack to wipe his constantly running nose on and cough into.

“S’ just a cold, no big deal.” Even as he says this, Alex is aware of just how nasally he sounds and how he has to resist the urge to shiver and pull his jacket tighter around himself.

“Even so, if you aren’t feeling better tomorrow I’d really like you to stay home. It would do you good to rest up a little.” Lin reaches forward to stroke his hair, which Alex jerks violently away from. Not only does he not want to be touched when he’s feeling this way (germs!), they are also only a block away from the high school, in plain sight of everyone. What Lin just doesn’t get is that having a parent (or foster parent, something Alex does not advertise) pick you up and walk you home like a little kid every day isn’t something that is done for teenagers, let alone with such open displays of affection. He gets picked on enough as it is without Lin constantly adding flame to the fire with his overdone dadding.

Thankfully no one at the school save for a few teachers knows of his status as a foster kid, and if that ever came to light, Alex knows how much worse the bullying could become. He doesn’t have to imagine what that would be like- Jennifer Atkinson had had a habit of loudly announcing their relationship to as many people as possible, as though sickened by the very idea that anyone might think they were related. Though the feeling was mutual, at the time Alex hated that she did that since it ensured that everyone at his previous school knew what he was. Of course, that had been the least of his worries at the time, but that still didn’t mean it was an experience Alex wants to repeat. Right now, with Lin being the way that he is, the general assumption is that the man who walks him to school and picks him up every day is his father or, as certain assholes have become fond of calling him, his ’Daddy’.

“I don’t _want_ to stay home,” Alex snaps, speeding up to put as much distance between himself and the school as possible. He’s not really sure why he’s so resistant to taking a day off given how much he hates school, but it probably has something to do with his association with staying home and severe illness and… death.

“You’re sick, mijo. I really think you should.”

 _Sick._ Alex hates that word, hearing it always leaves him feeling on-edge.

“I’m fine!” he insists, banging his feet a little harder than necessary as he walks. Alex is fully aware that he’s venturing dangerously close to tantrum mode. If Lin suggests that he take a nap when they get home, he can just see himself stomping around like a toddler shrieking that he’s not tired. Alex chuckles somewhat hysterically to himself at the imagery, likely leaving Lin thinking that he’s becoming a little unhinged.

“If you’re not staying home tomorrow, then I’m going to have to insist that you take a sleeping pill tonight, honey. This week of non-stop insomnia has gone on long enough. You need to sleep; you’re going to make yourself sick, or sicker, if you don’t.”

All week with him sleeping badly and constantly waking them up with nightmares the few times he did manage it, Vanessa and Lin have been pushing for Alex to take one of his sleeping pills, which Alex can’t help but throw a fit over. Those pills terrify him. The few times they did manage to talk him into taking one, he was spooked by the way it knocked him out cold completely against his will, how loopy he got when he tried to fight it and just how deeply it made him sleep. Alex is certain that under its influence someone could do anything to him and he wouldn’t even realize it. He knows Lin and Vanessa wouldn’t touch him, he _knows_ that, but even so the irrational part of his brain refuses to let that matter go. Plus, he hates how foggy and stupid he gets the morning after taking one, and that’s not even considering the possibility of developing a dependence to it. That’s a hard pass!

Vanessa and Lin just don’t get what horror they are asking him to take. In the back of Alex’s mind there’s a part of him whispering that they only want him to take it so that they can get a break from dealing with him for the night. It must get so old living with a teenager who sleeps worse than their four-month-old baby. Being the easy baby that he is, Sebastian is already well on his way to sleeping through the night now. Alex still isn’t.

“I _won’t_!!!” Alex bursts out angrily before he can stop himself, and then absolutely hates himself for it. 

Alex glances up and wants to cry at the various people on the street, including a few he recognizes from school, staring at him and the look of alarm on Lin’s face from the outburst. Instead, he speeds up, forcing Tobi to a light jog, determined to get home and to throw himself face-first into his bed as quickly as possible. Even if he doesn’t sleep, lying there comatose for the rest of the afternoon sounds like a good idea.

Lin catches up with him outside the exterior entrance to the apartment building, where Alex is forced to wait for him as he has neither the code to get in the building nor a key to the actual apartment. Alex isn’t sure if this is due to them viewing him as a little kid who never leaves home without them, a lack of trust, or merely an oversight, but he doesn’t have the courage to say anything about it.

“Alex honey, is everything okay? You’re not acting like yourself,” Lin asks softly as he lets them inside.

“I’m fine,” Alex snaps, somewhat resentful of the implication that being an easy kid who never argues is being ‘himself’.

“Do you think you might have a headache coming on? I’ve read online that sometimes mood swings can be part of a pre-migraine aura.”

Alex has to bite his tongue to keep from shouting back a retort, something along the lines of ‘how dare you suggest that that’s the only reason I’m experiencing normal teenage angst!’ that could get him in serious trouble and instead stalks up the stairs. Or at least he tries to, as the increased physical exertion makes his chest hurt and leaves him short of breath, forcing him to slow down.

“You didn’t answer my question, mijo,” Lin says once he catches up with him yet again.

“My head is fine.” That’s probably the only part of his body that is. His face hurts from the intense pressure on his sinuses and he aches all over, but his actual head is totally fine.

“What about your vision? Is anything looking wonky or out of the ordinary? What about unusual tingling in parts of your body? Nausea?”

“None of that.” The only thing that keeps Alex from making a smart-alecky comeback is the knowledge of how much his migraines terrify Lin. He worries about them almost constantly. As grumpy as he might be feeling, goading Lin with that would be downright mean.

“Well, that’s good news at least,” Lin says hesitantly as the unlocks the apartment to let them in. “Can I get you something to eat, sweetie? Or maybe we can play some video games or a round of chess before Vanessa gets back and I have to head out?”

Alex shakes his head as he unclips Tobi from her leash and watches her scamper over to her water bowl.

 “Well, what would you like to do then?” In the hour they have on non-matinee days between picking him up and having to leave to get to his show on time, Lin always goes out of his way to spend quality time with him. Alex appreciates this, but today he’s not in the mood.

“I just want to be left alone,” Alex says softly.

 Lin’s face falls at this. “You’re sure nothing’s wrong, son? You know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?”

“I’m not your son,” Alex mutters darkly to the floor, purposefully keeping his eyes down so he doesn’t have to see Lin’s reaction. “Please, just this once can’t you leave me alone?”

“Okay Alex, if you just want to rest in your room, that’s fine. If you ever change your mind and want to talk I’ll be here for you.” Alex can hear the hurt in Lin’s voice, but can’t bring himself to look up. It’s a million times worse than with the students taunting him because at least with them he doesn’t really care what they think, not in any significant way anyway. The Mirandas’ opinion of him is the most important thing in the world to him right now, since it’s the only thing keeping him safe. 

Alex makes a beeline for his room, making a great show of throwing himself dramatically face-first onto the bed even though no one is watching, with Lin staying true to his word to give him space. He can’t even stay like that, as within seconds it becomes obvious that with his nose as stuffed up as it is, breathing isn’t manageable while lying face-down. Grumbling about this day sucking so much that he can’t even be a dramatic teenager, Alex rolls over onto his side so that he’s at least facing away from the door. Yet even that doesn’t work since lying that way increases the pressure on his chest, forcing him to gather up his pillows and spare blankets to prop himself up on a slight incline. Alex tries to recreate the mood by throwing himself back down into it, but it’s not the same. Nothing ruins a good tantrum like carefully making your bed seconds beforehand. Stupid cold!

Alex isn’t sure how long he lies there doing nothing more than stewing, but eventually he hears hushed voices coming from down the hall that signals Vanessa is back from her law office. That means that Lin will be leaving soon, which makes Alex sad despite his irrational anger at him. His favorite days of the week are on Sundays and Mondays when Lin doesn’t work.

 “Alex, can I come in?” Vanessa knocks hesitantly on the door that, Alex now realizes, in his haste to throw himself on the bed had been left unlocked and ajar.

“Okay.”

With Alex still sprawled out dramatically on the bed, Vanessa comes and sits on the edge next to him. It’s an actual bed now that they had convinced him to get a few months ago that Alex still has mixed feelings about. He had been a lot more comfortable having it just be a single mattress on the floor, but had caved on the matter since he recognized that from the Mirandas perspective it made them feel like they weren’t properly providing for him. There are nights though that his anxiety regarding this proves too great and he ends up either sleeping on the floor or just not at all.

“Hey hon,” she says gently. “I hear you and Lin had a little spat.”

Terrified of getting in trouble or worse, rejected, and not wanting to see the disappointment on her face, Alex stays facing away from her and nods morosely into the mattress.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?”

“Is he mad?” Alex asks, daring only by the kindness in her voice to turn his head over to peak at her.

“No darling, he’s just worried about you. But that’s what this whole thing was about wasn’t it?”

“Uh huh.” Feeling more at ease, Alex rolls over to his back (still propped up so he can breathe) and stares at her. She smiles warmly at him, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. They look worried.

“I know you don’t want to hear this sweetie, but you really don’t look good.”

“I’m _tired_.” Alex is so over everyone telling him how much he looks like crap. He knows that. He feels like crap.

“I can believe that. How long has it been since you had a good night’s sleep?”

“A while…”

“A week maybe?”

“Maybe.” It’s definitely been a solid week.

“How about you go to sleep now? I know it’s still late afternoon, but I really do think you need it.”

“I’m trying,” Alex whines, gesturing to his position sprawled out on the bed. “I just can’t.”

“It might be time for those sleeping pills then.”

“No!” Alex yells, rolling back over dramatically so that he’s facing away from her again. At least he can enjoy the victory of managing that, but instead he just feels guilty.

 Vanessa sighs at his little outburst. “Wow, Lin really wasn’t kidding about you being cranky.”

Alex feels like he’s been slapped in the face. To have Lin say that- to have Vanessa agree- feels like the ultimate betrayal. They must _hate_ him. At one of his earlier foster homes the father had yelled at him that he was ‘a little shit that needed to be punished’ for his smart-alecky comments, before spanking him repeatedly with a belt.  Even after this happened, he’d been so dumb and naïve when it came to controlling his mouth that he’d been sent away from the home not long after. As the next home he’d ended up at was the Atkinsons, he certainly had been punished. By now he should have learned to watch himself. Who’s to say it couldn’t all happen again? Had he really gotten so complacent? He has to be more careful.

“Hey, hey, Alex? Look at me.” Something about his demeanor must have given away his anguish, by the way Vanessa rushes to reassure him, switching positions on the bed so they’re once again facing each other. “You’re not in trouble. We’re not upset with you. You really don’t have to feel bad about this. Everyone has their moments and gets cranky sometimes, especially when they’re sick.”

“I’m not sick. It’s just a cold.” He also doesn’t fully believe her. He needs to stop arguing _now_.

“Not to split hairs with you hon, but technically a cold is still sick. Now, what are we going to do about you not being able to sleep?”

“I don’t know, send me back to the DHS office before my warranty runs out and you can’t trade me in for a less damaged version.” Alex had meant that as a joke, but even as the words leave his mouth he realizes the dark truth he’d inadvertently just revealed and wants to die of shame. Yet thankfully Vanessa seems to take it well and laughs it off as another dramatic teenage moment.  

“Well that’s just silly. There is only one Alexander Hamilton and even if there were another, you’re the only one we want. No exchanges. Also, I really don’t think that line of thinking is helping you relax, do you?”

“Probably not,” Alex says, while wiping his perpetually dripping nose on his sleeve. Vanessa makes a slight face at this, but doesn’t say anything along the lines of ‘you are disgusting and now I regret what I said about not wanting to trade you in’ that he is sure she’s thinking.

“Have you taken any cold medicine recently?”

“Not since this morning,” he says softly before descending into an uncontrollable coughing fit with wet hacking coughs that rattle his chest and leaves him gasping for breath.

A gentle hand is placed on his shoulder. “Sit up Alex, it will make it easier to catch your breath. There you go.”

The tight pressure on his chest lessons slightly, enough to get the fit under control.

“Vanessa?!” Lin’s voice calls from across the apartment, sounding scared.

“He’s okay, I’ve got him!” Vanessa calls in response, while giving him a few gentle pats on the back. His mouth is full of phlegm that he brought up that he longs to spit out, but instead he swallows it so as not to alarm Vanessa more than he has already. Speaking of which, Alex now realizes she’s touching him and jerks out of the way. He doesn’t want to give her his germs.

“Are you alright, Alex?” Vanessa asks gently once he manages to catch his breath.

“Yeah… sorry. I know that’s gross.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, honey. It’s not like you can help it. Has coughing like that been happening all day?”

Alex nods miserably.

“You’re really not feeling great, are you?”

“It’s really not a big deal,” Alex says, which is as close to a confirmation as he’s willing to give. “Everyone gets colds. Lin’s even done back-to-back shows with one.”

“Yeah, but he’s almost as stubborn as you and not the best role model when it comes to such matters. And even though it is just a minor thing, it’s still in our job description as parents to worry about your health. Especially since you don’t exactly have the best track record for disclosing when there’s a problem, now do you?”

“No,” Alex grumbles, while giving Vanessa a slight smile in hopes of hiding the fact that what she’s referring to is happening right now. To his enormous relief, she smiles back.

“Now Alex, let’s problem-solve a little. I know you don’t like the heavy-duty prescription sleeping pills, but what about something milder? NyQuil will treat some of your cold symptoms and make you drowsy, but not so much to completely knock you out if you didn’t want that, though I hope you wouldn’t fight it. Would that be acceptable?”

“I suppose…” He really doesn’t want to take it, but has already pushed the defiant behavior way too far already.

“Atta boy, way to use that wonderful brain of yours and see things logically. Though I also need to ask: is anything bothering you, hon, besides being a bit sick, I mean? You’ve seemed really tense lately. Are you having problems at school?”

Alex isn’t sure how to answer that. Beyond learning that he had been making a habit of skipping class to hide in the bathroom after receiving an attendance letter, the Mirandas truly have no clue what school looks like for him and just how miserable he is there. Alex just doesn’t know how to explain to them that no matter how much he tries to psych himself up to it, he can’t even _talk_ to people at school, let alone make friends. He had already seen how badly they took it, Lin in particular, when they learned how often he was cutting class, and that had been with him blaming it all on migraines, when in truth they were only a small piece of the puzzle. Alex doesn’t want them to know how truly screwed up he really is and that everything the social workers had said about him that first week might actually be true.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Alex at last says softly. Vanessa sighs heavily and gives him a look suggesting that she doesn’t believe him, but thankfully chooses to let it go for now.

“Regardless, we’re going to have to figure out a way to get you to relax. What if I sat in bed with you and rubbed your back until you fell asleep, or one of us could read aloud to you? Does either of those sound appealing?

“I don’t know…” Alex says in a small voice. In truth, both sound amazing, but he doesn’t want to burden either of them with that. It’s bad enough that they have to occasionally deal with him during his migraines without placing similar care expectations on him for a stupid cold.

“I could read you ‘Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day’. That sounds fitting, doesn’t it?” she teases, giving his hair a light ruffle. Alex cracks a smile in spite of himself at the joke. At least if she’s teasing him about it, he can be a lot more confident that he isn’t in trouble. Still, he shakes his head at the offer. He doesn’t want to make her do that.

“How about a warm bath then? I can add some Epson salts to the water, put on some soothing music and dim the lights with candles. You can even bring a book and read in the tub. I always find that incredibly relaxing.”

Alex has never been a big fan of baths. Normally he’s all about quick showers with reduced shower pressure. Yet he gets how hard Vanessa is trying here and, so long as she’s not pushing drugs or offering something that places unreasonable demands on them, Alex is willing to go along with it so as not to risk further argument. Plus, anything involving books is always a win.

“I can do that,” he says softly.

“Oh, excellent, Alex!” she beams at him before setting to work getting him the medicine before setting up his bath, arguing that it would be a good idea to take it first so that by the time he gets out he’ll be ready to sleep. Just ten minutes ago Alex might have argued with her on this, but right now he’s just feeling too tired, lethargic and achy. He’s okay with just letting Vanessa take the lead a little bit and just going along with whatever she suggests. It’s safer anyway.

Before long, he finds himself in the bathroom that Vanessa so expertly transformed into a little spa, with the lights dimmed almost all the way off, but candles lit throughout and peaceful nature sounds playing. She obviously knew what she was doing.

Alex undresses in the bathroom. Even though he’s been here a good four months now, he still can’t bring himself to walk down the hallway in just a towel and he still brings a change of clothes with him to the bathroom every time he showers. He knows it’s stupid, but it’s one of those things he just can’t psych himself up for.

As he strips off his clothes, he can’t help overhearing bits of the conversation coming from the next room.

“Lin, isn’t it already past time you get going for the show?”

“Nah, I already texted Tommy I’ll miss the pre-show rehearsal so I can push it another forty minutes. I don’t want to leave on the note that Alex and I last spoke on and it would be nice to see him to bed once he gets out. I get to do that so rarely now.”

Alex absolutely hates himself knowing that Lin is cutting it short getting to work on his account. If he weren’t so worried about getting in trouble for eavesdropping he would yell out that Lin needs to leave *now*, but he doesn’t exactly have the courage for that anyway. It makes him sick with anxiety and guilt thinking about how many shows Lin has already missed because of him already. Alex is certain that at some point Lin’s rapidly growing fanbase is going to find out that he’s the reason for this and crucify him. 

“He’s definitely in a mood though, so try not to feel too bad if he doesn’t want you tucking him in.”

Alex can’t listen to this. He can’t bear to listen to them talking about him when it’s clear that it’s about to turn negative. Alex quickly makes his way over to the little stereo in the corner and turns the volume up as high as it can go to drown them out, before climbing into the bathtub.

It feels surprisingly good. As he slowly lowers his body down into the steaming hot water he can feel himself relaxing. His aching body practically sings with pleasure at being engulfed by the water and the heat is perfect for the constant chills he’s been feeling all day. Ever since the hurricane, Alex has been wary of large bodies of water and has thus avoided baths, but Vanessa and her magical ways might just have him converted. It was silly and childish for him to consider a bathtub as being in the same dangerous category as an ocean anyway. Seriously, what harm did he possibly think it could do?

Relishing in this pleasant new sensation, Alex can at last temporarily forget his worries and just relax. He reaches for his latest book, one of Vanessa’s beloved space fiction that Lin forced into his hands a few days ago with the declaration that it worried him that Alex didn’t engage in enough ‘light reading’, which Alex now happily devours by the light of the candles. He’s glad that he has this as he couldn’t have brought any of his usual heavy textbooks in with him. Then again, this is so darn pleasant, he might have to figure out a way to manage it later.

Alex isn’t sure how much time passes, but after a while he gets so sleepy that his eyes can’t focus on the words on the page. That probably should be his signal that it’s time to get out and go to bed, but Alex isn’t quite ready to leave this little happy place quite yet. Instead he carefully balances the thin little book on the edge of the tub to return to in a minute and just leans back, closing his eyes for just a moment. Maybe he just needs to give his eyes a quick break before returning to the story…

Alex wakes up underwater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two coming soon.


	3. Bath, part two

He’s drowning. Alex is drowning. Three years ago he had managed to escape the clutches of the hurricane, but now the ocean has returned to claim him. He’s completely submerged under the water, unable to breathe or see at all. Just like before.

“Fight!” an internal voice shouts at him. “Fight! Save yourself! No one else is going to!”

Alex obeys, flailing around and kicking frantically to try to breach the ocean’s surface. It’s easier than he expected and suddenly Alex finds himself sitting up in the bathtub, shaking in terror and gasping for breath. He’s dizzy from lack of oxygen (how long had he been under?!) and for a minute he isn’t able to focus on anything beyond his violent coughs.

Once able to catch his breath Alex becomes acutely aware that he can hardly see, eyes burning from the soap that got in them. Or is it saltwater? Alex can taste salt in his mouth from the water he had swallowed while under. It is the ocean.

In a blind panic, Alex propels himself out of the water enclosure, slipping and falling down hard on the wet bathroom floor in the process. For a moment Alex just lies there. Everything _hurts._

There’s a banging on the door.

“Hey bud, I just heard a lot of splashing and a crash. Are you okay? Did you slip in the tub?”

_They had gotten the evacuation notice. Everyone living near the beach had been told to move inland to the center of the island. Peter had lived in a small one-story house near the coast that had belonged to his family for generations. Ever the paranoid conspiracy theorist, Peter had been absolutely convinced that this was a secret government plot and that as soon as the house was empty they would have come and taken it. He had refused to leave. Even as the wind howled, the rain came down in buckets and Alex could see the dangerously churning ocean from his bedroom window, Peter wouldn’t even consider evacuating. His older brother James had fled as soon as the order came. Being sixteen at the time of their mother’s death, James had never been willing to accept Peter as a surrogate parent the way Alex had and had been more than happy to use this as an excuse to run away. Before leaving in the middle of the night, James had tried to convince Alex to come with him, but naive twelve-year-old Alex wasn’t having it. Alex had loved Peter, he had trusted Peter and hadn’t seen any reason not to take his guardian’s insistence that they would be safe at home at its word. “It’s your funeral,” James had said before slipping away into the night. That was the last time Alex had ever seen him._

Alex can hear the sound of the ocean’s roaring waves coming from the stereo in the corner, now ominous where it had previously been soothing. Can smell something burning, had a fire been started by lighting? It even smells beachy in here and when he moves his head around with his eyes squinted he can see tiny flashes of light moving around the room. Lightning.

The sudden shrill sound of panicked screams reverberates and echoes around the tight quarters of this small death-trap of a room. Screaming, just like the chorus the hurricane left in its wake. He might also hear his name being called mixed in with all the noise, but he isn’t sure.

All Alex knows is that this room’s been compromised. His safe place that he always went to when hiding from a storm is no longer safe. He has to get out of here.

Not thinking about or caring about anything else, Alex frantically stumbles for the lock and flings the door open before running out of there in a blind panic. Just two feet out the door he collides with a solid body -possibly Lin?- that he pays little attention to as he continues his escape. He’s not sure where’s he’s going, but he knows there’s no way he’s just going to sit around and let the ocean claim him like last time.

“Oh shit…you are completely naked…Um…Imma get Vanessa to handle this one.”

_All the noise and sudden change in air pressure had triggered one of those severe headaches that Alex had been experiencing ever since recovering from the illness that had taken his mother’s life. While in excruciating pain, Peter had taken him into his own bedroom to comfort him and pray over him for the headache to end. That was all he ever did when those terrifying spells struck. Peter belonged to a religious group that believed that modern medicine was a sin and that if it was God’s will any illness could be healed by prayer. That had been a point of extreme contention between Peter and James and those early days of his headaches had been constantly exacerbated by the two of them standing over him and yelling at each other about whether or not he needed to see a doctor. It had been horrible, but at least they’d cared. After Peter no one else had ever cared about his ‘stupid headaches’. Not until the Mirandas._

He needs to get to higher ground where it’s safe. The rooftop terrace where Lin once took him to watch the snow would be the safest bet. Alex makes a beeline for the front door, but before he even has a chance to pry it open, strong arms wrap around his chest.

“Whoa Alex, I know I really shouldn’t be touching you right now, but I can’t allow you to leave the apartment in this state. Can we make a better choice for a place to run to? Your bedroom maybe?”

Alex cries out, kicks, screams, hits, struggles and does just about everything in his power to escape as though his life depends on it, because it does. Yet it makes no difference. He’s completely overpowered.

“Vanessa!!! I need you NOW!!!”

There is the sound of running footsteps followed by a much softer voice.

“Okay wow….”

“Tell me about it. Can you _please_ take over before I do any more damage? I’m certain I’m causing all sorts of re-experienced trauma right now.”

Alex can feel himself being passed over to another set of arms and, at the realization that he now has two captures, allows himself to go limp and drops to the floor. If he’s going to drown anyway he doesn’t see the point in fighting.

As he defeatedly curls himself into a ball on the living room floor, a softer set of arms wraps around him and holds him tight.

“Shhhh, I need you to stop screaming Alex. This isn’t helping. Just for a moment, do you think you could stop screaming and catch your breath?”

Vanessa. It’s Vanessa that’s holding him. She cares about him, she might even love him. Understanding that he is at least temporarily safe, Alex clings to her and just sobs.

“Here are some towels,” Lin’s voice says from above. “I think it might be better if I sat this one out. This whole thing with…” Lin makes a sweeping gesture with his hands as Vanessa carefully wraps one of the towels around his waist. “I’m scared I’ll make it worse.”

“That’s fine, though I don’t think Alex is even aware of it right now.”

Aware of what? It’s the hurricane, isn’t it? Are they talking about the hurricane? Of course he is fully aware of it!

“Any idea what happened?”

“Not a clue. He’s just so exhausted, Lin. I don’t think he knows what direction is what right now.”

Yes, he does. He knows that the ocean is right outside and it’s rising upwards towards them.

“True, but I think it might be more than that though. He’s never taken a bath while living with us before. I didn’t think much of it, but maybe there’s a darker reason for that besides personal preference. Maybe once, _that man…”_ Lin trails off. Alex has noticed that Lin can never actually say what Mike did, as though he’s so disgusted by the act and, by extension, Alex that the words won’t come.

“I was wondering the same thing. Poor baby, it’s so hard to sort out what his triggers are. It could take years and he could still surprise us.”

_Alex had fallen asleep in Peter’s bed and had woken up to the loud bang of a tree falling on their next door neighbor’s house. His head still throbbed horribly and he was struggling to see properly with his vision blurred, but he could still tell that Peter was nowhere to be seen and that the room was filling with water. Alex wasn’t sure how long he had remained frozen in bed, unable to move due to sheer terror and the extreme pain of his headache. Eventually basic survival instructs had kicked in and he had screamed desperately for Peter. When he didn’t come, Alex somehow managed to rally enough strength to get out of bed. He had no choice in the matter if he wanted to live. By then the water in the room was up well past his knees and was certain to increase- the rain was still pouring down  and the angry ocean raging outside was bringing its waves alarmingly close to the house. Wading through the water had been hard, especially with the dizziness caused by the headache and by the time he’d made it out of the room he’d had to lean against the doorframe to steady himself and vomit into the water from the nausea that came with it. Every part of him had hurt and Alex had just wanted to climb back into bed, but the water was certain to engulf the bed soon. The choice was simple- either get out or die._

Alex is being rocked. At some point he had been transferred fully into Vanessa’s lap where she holds him tight in her arms and rocks him back and forth as he continues to scream and cry.

It doesn’t really make sense, as he’s not little like Sebastian, but Alex has always found it incredibly soothing when Vanessa rocks him like this. Once during an especially bad migraine that hadn’t responded to medication and left him completely helpless, unable to move or talk, Vanessa had taken him to the rocking chair in Sebastian’s room and just held him and rocked him for what had seemed like hours.  Yet his stupid body didn’t let him have nice things, as the next time Vanessa had done it the rocking motion had worsened his nausea and he’d ended up puking everywhere. After that Vanessa hadn’t tried it again.  Not until now anyway.

As the gentle rocking motion continues, Alex is able to calm down enough to stop screaming. Instead he hiccups pathetically and looks around, taking stock of his surroundings. There are no outward signs of a storm that he can detect. No sound of wind, rain or lightning and, besides himself, the rest of the room remains dry. Has the storm passed? Or are they currently in the eye of the hurricane and the worst is still to come? Alex glances up at Vanessa to try to clue into the situation by her expression. She looks worried, as though something really bad was happening, but not panicked in the way that you would expect if the problem at hand meant certain death. Maybe the storm really has come to an end?

As if sensing him watching her, Vanessa smiles down at him. She looks so sad.

“Hi honey, glad to have you back. Are you starting to feel a little calmer now?”

Alex nods slowly, confused by what is happening.

“You understand you’re safe here, don’t you Alex? You’re perfectly safe and no one is going to hurt you.”

 But it’s not a person Alex is afraid of right now. It’s a thing. How could she not _know_?

“Alexander, do you think you could get dressed now? Maybe get some underwear on at least?”

Alex only now notices that as they remain on the floor of the living room he is still damp from the bath and still completely naked. The towel that Lin brought has been carefully draped over his privates to preserve modesty, but he’s still buck naked and pressed up against a woman. Waves of shame crash over him, making it difficult for him to realize that the new salty wetness on his face isn’t from those waves.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. Here, Lin brought you a pair of boxers a while ago. How about I help you get them through your legs and then I can close my eyes while you pull them up all the way. Will that work?”

“Okay,” Alex croaks out hoarsely. He doesn’t really see the point of Vanessa covering her eyes as she likely already saw e _verything._ So did Lin. As Alex becomes more aware he realizes with a jolt that Lin had been the one who had held him earlier to keep him from leaving the apartment, all while he was completely naked. Alex is crying uncontrollably now, all while he struggles to complete the task of putting on the meager piece of clothing. He isn’t sure why, but doing so takes way more effort than it should. His limbs feel like lead and every part of him seems to hurt at once, especially his chest. It feels like someone is sitting on his chest right now.

Trying to lessen the pressure on it, Alex coughs and coughs and coughs. The effort it takes hurts and he can feel liquid gunk (either phlegm, saltwater he’d inhaled or both) flying out of his mouth as he does so.

Vanessa strokes his head as he continues to cough and sob into her, and her hand lingers awhile longer on his forehead, before moving to the back of his neck, his cheeks and then back to his forehead.

“Hey Lin?!” she calls.

“Hmmm?” Lin appears in a matter of seconds. Though he had been out of sight he must have been hovering nearby. It’s a surprisingly comforting thought.

“He feels warm. At first I thought it was from the temperature of his bath and all the drama, but it’s been progressing rather than going away. Could you get the thermometer for me?”

He’s quite certain the whole reason they purchased the ear thermometer is because of his all-out boycott of opening his mouth for a traditional under-tongue thermometer.  It doesn’t seem fair, yet there’s only so many times an admittingly wonderfully patient couple can tolerate forcing said thermometer through his tightly closed lips only to have him spit it out before it can get a reading before they stop playing fair.

_He had found Peter out on the front porch, on his knees in chest deep water praying. It was only then that he had realized just how stupid and mentally unstable Peter really was and had wished desperately that he had gone with James. Looking back at it in hindsight knowing Peter had shot himself in the head a month later, it is clear that his actions during the hurricane had been that of a man who was suicidal. He had wanted to drown with the house and didn’t care if Alex died with him._

“What’s he at?” Lin’s soft voice asks anxiously as Vanessa removes that damned contraption from his ear.

“He’s reading at 100.8. It’s a fever for sure, but not a bad one and not enough to cause delirium. I bet he’s feeling pretty crumby though, which explains his earlier crankiness. That plus exhaustion would be more than enough to set this off. That being said, it does worry me a little that this is what he’s at even after taking the NyQuil nearly an hour ago. We’ll want to keep a close eye on it tonight.”

Alex wants to tell them not to worry, that he’s fine and it’s the hurricane they should be worried about, not him, but at the moment he lacks the energy to do so. Instead he continues to cough, likely spraying them both with his germs as he does so. For their sake he tries his best to get it under control, but the damage has already been done.

“His cough sounds dreadful,” says Lin anxiously. “How did we not notice how bad it had gotten earlier? Do you think the infection’s in his lungs? Pneumonia maybe? Do we need to take him to the hospital?”

Alex cries harder at this and grasps Vanessa tightly as if she alone can prevent such a horror from happening. The hospital is the last thing he wants right now. He’s been brought into the ER by the Mirandas while desperately ill before and that’s not an experience he wants to repeat. Besides, why waste a hospitals valuable resource with his stupid cold when there is likely mass trauma cases needing immediate attention in wake of the storm?

“Shh Alex, it’s okay,” Vanessa coos as she pulls him tighter into her arms. “This is just another occasion of Lin being overdramatic. Just ignore him.”

“Excuse me, pneumonia is not something to be glib about.”

“I know, but even if that were the case we still don’t need to take him to the hospital tonight. None of his symptoms even remotely suggest an emergency. If anything, it’s probably bronchitis. We can call his doctor in the morning if he isn’t doing any better, but there’s really no need for alarm. I’d say the best course of action would be to get some pills in him to lower that fever and get our sick boy to bed.”

At that dreaded word _sick_ , Alex immediately attempts to squirm out of Vanessa’s arms. The word sends him into an immediate panic, and of course he would get sick right when a hurricane hits Manhattan, and he doesn’t want to give them any of his germs. If he really does have a fever then he needs to stay as far away from them as possible. Vanessa isn’t having it though, and pulls him tighter into her arms so he can’t flee.

“Come on, none of that. I know you don’t like hearing this, but you’re sick, sweetheart. And not just a cold, you’re proper sick with a fever and everything. Now, there’s no reason to take you to the hospital, but I do need you to let us take care of you. Just this once, I think it would make things easier on everyone if you didn’t constantly fight us.”

Alex relents only because of how badly he feels. That, and the realization that in his current state, the Mirandas helping him is likely the only way he’s going to survive the storm. By sheer dumb luck and force of will, he been able to save himself from a hurricane while impossibly ill once before, but he’s not sure if he could do it again.

_How Alex had managed it, he still isn’t sure, but somehow he’d gotten Peter to stand up, screaming at him that he didn’t want to die, and dragged him to the trapdoor that led to the attic through which they could climb onto the roof; he’d once read that was the safest place to go. He had been too small to reach the trapdoor himself, so by the time he had convinced Peter to open it with his non-stop screaming, the water level had risen so high that Alex could barely touch the ground and had to swim to get to the ladder, inhaling water in the process which left him coughing and struggling to catch his breath as he climbed the ladder to temporary safety . Even though it must have been obvious that he was incapacitated by the headache, Peter hadn’t even bothered to help him. Instead it had been Alex that had dragged Peter along._

“Lin, can you go get him some ibuprofen? He already had some Tylenol in the Nyquil, but it didn’t help much. I don’t want to overdose him, so switching types would be the best bet. Also could you get some…” Vanessa trails off, looking at Lin pointedly as she does so. Alex has no idea what they’re talking about. 

“I’m on it,” Lin says before heading off for the kitchen.

Once he leaves, Vanessa resumes rocking him.

“Can you tell me what happened, Alex? We already know you’re overly tired and not feeling well, but what specifically happened in the bath that scared you?”

At the reminder of what it was like waking up underwater, Alex starts up crying again.

“I-I fell a-asleep in the t-tub,” he stutters out.

“I’m not surprised, you’ve barely gotten a few hours of sleep all week. Did you have a nightmare?” Vanessa strokes his still soaking-wet hair.

“I sl-ipped under… w-woke up underwater.”

“Oh sweetie, that must have been so scary.”

“In the eye of it.”

“You got water in your eye?”

She doesn’t understand.  She just doesn’t understand what’s coming for them. Yet before Alex even has a chance to explain, Lin returns with a glass of water and a handful of pills. 

“Open your mouth for me, kid,” he says gently, crouching down in front of him.

On autopilot, since he’s used to them doing this during a migraine, Alex allows Lin to place the pills in his mouth.

“Good boy! Now swallow.” Water is held up to his mouth which Alex also drinks without question. This is a dance he knows well.

“Excellent Alex, now I think it’s time we get you to bed.”

That part of the plan Alex isn’t okay with. He’s not about to just go to sleep while a hurricane rages on! He’s not making that mistake again. Alex starts struggling again in protest. 

“No, I can’t! It’s not safe. Terrors of the night!”

“Yes, yes, for the night is dark and full of terrors. We don’t need another Melisandre.”

“Really Lin? _Really_? You are seriously mocking him right now? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I was trying to distract him with a Game of Thrones reference.”

“Yeah, I got that part. That doesn’t make it better.”

“The Lord of Light commands you,” Alex whispers with a slight smile. In preparation for the fifth season coming out next month, Lin had been letting Alex watch the show in secret, much to Vanessa’s horror when she came home from work early one day and caught them watching the very adult-themed show.

“See! Alex got the joke.”

“I should have known better. Of course Alex would side with you. And I still can’t believe you let him watch that.”

_Sitting on top of the roof shivering from the pelting rain and wind and watching the ocean rage its terror and the water levels continue to rise, Alex knew that if it reached them he would surely drown as he was in no physical condition to swim to safety and Peter was unlikely to help him. With all the debris floating in the water and Alex’s vision spotty from his headache it had been hard to tell for sure, but on several occasions Alex had been convinced he had seen bodies floating in the waves._

“It’s not safe!” Alex cries out over and over again. “It’s not safe! It’s not safe! I can’t go to sleep! It’s not safe!”

“It is perfectly safe Alex. I promise you, we’ll protect you. You don’t need to be afraid. No one is going to hurt you.”

Don’t they understand. Don’t they understand that it was a fucking hurricane that came at night.

“It began at dusk and ravaged until noon!” he tries to tell them, but he can already tell that they don’t get it. From the knowing looks they give each other, they are likely thinking he’s gone completely and utterly insane.

“Alex, do you want to try sleeping with us tonight? I know we’ve never done that before, but sometimes it feels safer to sleep in between two people. It feels protected.”

“NO!!!” Alex screams out in terror. He had been put to bed in Peter’s room the night of the first storm. There’s no way he’s going to test fate by doing the exact same thing all over again.

“Okay, bad idea! I’m sorry Alex, I should have realized why that suggestion might be scary to you. Can we get you to your own bed then? You’re going to be conking out pretty soon and I think you’d be a lot more comfortable if you didn’t fall asleep on the floor.”

What does he mean by that? He’s not at all about to fall asleep, unless… Alex suddenly realizes just how unnaturally sleepy he is. What exactly had been included in the pills Vanessa had made Lin give to him?!

Oh god. They had slipped him a sleeping pill and Alex had been stupid enough to take it without question. Blind panic seizes him now. It’s bad enough when he takes it under normal circumstances, but now with the current hurricane raging… Or is it imminent? Coming tonight? Suddenly Alex is confused about what’s exactly happening. Is this because the drug is already making its way through his system? He can’t allow any more to come through. Alex sits up wildly and starts coughing as hard as he can, forcing himself to gag in the process to purposefully expel the contents of his stomach. When that doesn’t work, he reaches up his hand to his mouth to stick his fingers down his throat.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Vanessa says sharply, while grabbing his hand and pulling it out of the way. “You are _not_ making yourself throw up. If you even try it there will be serious consequences, Alexander Hamilton.”

Alex’s entire body goes rigid. The Mirandas have never punished him before. Never. What exactly does she mean by serious consequences? Not wanting to find out, Alex tries to pull away from her, preparing himself to bolt if needed.

“V, I think you need to clarify what you mean by that,” Lin says softly.

“I mean like grounding you, or restricting your book access or something,” Vanessa reassures him in a gentle, loving voice. “We’re never going to hurt you Alex, but I also can’t allow you to hurt yourself. No making yourself sick.”

Alex nods wordlessly at this, sagging back against Vanessa in relief that things hadn’t taken a sudden and chilling turn, utterly exhausted. In contrast to the temporary terror Vanessa’s words had brought, a hurricane really doesn’t sound that bad. He’s too tired anyway. Clearly the sleeping pills have already taken hold and there isn’t anything he can do about it. He’s just going to have to surrender and trust that the Mirandas will protect him. It’s a scary thought, but he’s running out of options.

_After hours of sitting there preparing for death, a small motor boat had arrived. At that point, Alex had been so far gone and unable to move that he hadn’t been able to fully compute that they were rescued until one of the coastguards lifted him up into his arms and carried him onto the boat. During the ride to safety Alex had sobbed uncontrollably and repeatedly thrown up over the side of the boat from the increasing pain of the migraine. His rescuers had been kind and comforting, but had likely assumed that it was due to a combination of seasickness and fright and it didn’t occur to them that he might have needed medical attention. To them he must have been just another in a long line of terrified children they must have encountered that day._

“Come on mijo, it’s time to sleep.”

Lin hoists him up into his arms. He remembers that. He remembers when the coast guard lifted him off of the roof and into the boat. He was finally safe then. He’s safe with Lin.

Alex is placed gently in the middle of his bed and he feels the bed dip as they both climb in on either side of him, protecting him. As his back is rubbed it occurs to him with surprising clarity that they’re not going to leave him alone. Not like Peter had.

After some time they hear wailing coming from the next room and Vanessa gives him a gentle kiss on his sweaty forehead before slowly sitting up in bed.

“Sebastian needs to be nursed. Alex, would you mind if Lin took over for a little while?”

Alex nods in agreement. “Maybe wash your hands first?” he whispers sleepily. “Don’t want you giving my germs to Seb.”

Vanessa smiles down warmly and runs her hand through his hair one last time before getting up. “Such a sweet boy,” she coos a little unnecessarily. “I’ll be sure to do that. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? I promise you, we’re not leaving you alone.”

Alex nods again. He gets that now. They’re nothing like Peter. 

Once Vanessa leaves, Lin hesitantly scoots closer into him from his previous position teetering on the edge of the bed.

“Alex can I hug you? I know you’ve been having flashbacks so male contact might not be wanted right now, but…”

Alex doesn’t let him finish, all but throwing himself into Lin’s arms. He’s safe there, he’s always safe. Even if the room was rapidly flooding with water he would trust Lin not to let him drown.

“There’s my boy,” he hears Lin murmur as Alex buries his face into his neck, no longer caring about the germs. He’s already coughed all over both of them.

“What time is it?” he whispers.

“Time for you to go to sleep.” Lin loves his dad jokes.

“No, really?” Alex feels his eyes drooping as he says this. As much as he tries to fight it the medication is working its dark magic.

“It’s a little after 6:00.”

“But you have to go on at 7:00!”

“Not tonight. Javier makes an amazing Hamilton. He’s the sexy one, after all.”

“No,” Alex whines sleepily. There isn’t much fight left in him, but still he tries. He knows it’s now a matter of minutes before he loses his battle against the drug’s effects.

“No point arguing now bud, there’s no way I’ll make it all the way to lower Manhattan and get into costume in time.”

“Can’t keep doing this,” Alex says softly. The amount of shows Lin has missed on his account has reached ridiculous levels.

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving you when you’re sick, mijo. Regardless of if it’s a migraine or a fever, I’ll always be here. I’m lucky enough to have a job and boss that allows for it, so I might as well take advantage of it. No more arguing with me on this, kid. I’m not changing my mind.”

Not knowing what to say to this Alex says nothing and instead focuses his energy on trying to control the intense wave of shivers that hits him.

“Those chills just aren’t letting up, huh? Here hon, let me get another blanket around you,” Lin says in a worried voice as he reaches to the end of the bed to grab his heavy throw-blanket for him.

“You’re swaddling me like a baby,” Alex whispers at the tight way Lin wraps the blankets all the way around him.

“No I’m not, I’m making an Alexander burrito. It will help with your chills and I’m sure at some point with that fever you’ll switch to being overly hot, so just being able to remove the blankets rather than take off layers of clothing is helpful. Deep pressure also helps the nervous system relax.”

“It’s still a swaddle.”

“Yeah, and you still suck at telling me when you’re sick.”

“Didn’t want to worry you.”

“All I ever do is worry.”

“I know.” That’s _why_ he hadn’t wanted to say anything.

“When you’re feeling better, you and I are going to have another chat about the importance of communicating health problems,” Lin says while running his fingers gently through Alex’s tangled hair.

Alex makes a face at this. Lin’s overly-earnest lectures about their duty to him as caregivers and Alex’s need for a higher sense of self-worth make him so uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I know you hate them, but the message doesn’t appear to be sticking so we’re going to keep having them until it does. But for now, let’s not worry about that. What you need now is rest. Close your eyes, Alex. I promise you it’s safe for you to sleep. One of us will be with you all through the night to make sure you’re breathing all right and that that fever doesn’t get worse. We’ll be here to make sure that nothing bad happens. No terrors of the night are getting in today. Not on our watch.”

_The shelter they were brought to had been overcrowded, bright and impossibly loud. During the days that they had been there Alex had spent all of his time curled up in a miserable ball on a cot in the middle of all the chaos, unable to block out any of the constant stimulation of violent fights and people wailing over the deaths of loved ones that worsened his migraine. If James had been there at all, Alex wouldn’t have even known, as his entire time there had been a blur of never-ending pain. He had later learned that the only reason the coast guard had come to their allegedly evacuated neighborhood at all had been because James had filed a report that his kid brother might still be there and in trouble. James had saved his life, yet Alex had never seen him again- when the worst of the carnage had cleared away Peter had gathered up what little remained of their belongings (by some miracle his mother’s books had survived which was all Alex had cared about) and had whisked him away to New York. Peter had been furious at James for running away and likely hadn’t even bothered to try to locate his other charge before leaving the country forever. James had gotten away long before they did and Alex assumes he’s still alive, but he has no way of knowing for sure._

Glancing out the window of his bedroom while still in Lin’s arms Alex is able to breathe a little easier. They live on the top floor of a large apartment complex on the top of a hill and they have easy access to their rooftop terrace. Even if a storm far worse than the one he had experienced were to hit he would likely still be safe. And even if that wasn’t the case, he trusts that his current caregivers would actually do their job to protect him. Lin and Vanessa would never allow him to drown, are just too compassionate to let anything happen to him. Alex is safe.

It’s nice to find a little bit of calm from the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While the events in this story are entirely fictional, what is happening right now with Hurricane Harvey and Irma is very real. There are real life children experiencing trauma similar to Alex's. If you haven't already, please consider donating to help. Here's a link to various charities you can donate to: https://goo.gl/3YqhTE


	4. Quick authors note

Hi, this isn't something I'd normally do. I know as a reader, it always annoys me when I see a story I like has updated only to see it's just an authors note. But it's been long enough since I've updated I feel like I owe a quick explanation. Those who follow me on tumblr already know why, which is that since the beginning of October I've been really sick with whooping cough. I still am. I got it from some unvaccinated kids at my school and do to a combination of my doctor never saying anything and me plain not knowing it was needed I had never gotten a booster shot for it as an adult. It's been nearly two months now and still have it and am expected to for the next month or so. A nickname for this illness is "the 100 day cough" because it lasts so long and their is no treatment beyond antibiotics to make you no longer contagious. Which for me means a daily low-grade fever, constant coughing fits that sounds a bit like a goose honking, low blood-oxygen levels and no energy for writing. I do plan on coming back to this when I'm better (this has given me quite a few "write what you know" ideas), but at the moment the current goal is making it through one day at a time without being so exhausted I sob hysterically at work when the copier gets a paper jam (which may or my not have happened recently...).

Anyway that's the latest on what's happening with this story. It's not been abandoned, just on hiatus due to an illness that hasn't been in widespread circulation since the 1930s. On that note, there are a lot of idiots out there choosing not to vaccinate, so if you're reading this I highly encourage you to check if you've gotten a booster for it as a teenager or adult. If not you're vulnerable and if you get it that's three months of your life you're never getting back. 

Sorry this isn't a chapter. It will come at some point.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative summary from my beta: how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
> 
> Standard disclaimer: This story includes the character Lin-Manuel and Vanessa Nadal and other RLC that are based upon personality traits, however I am in no way suggesting it to be the actual man or women. They are characters.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Saddest Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12051027) by [andthisbrightstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthisbrightstar/pseuds/andthisbrightstar)




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